Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Randomize
