Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
