my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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