Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
