Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You dont lie about slip and slides
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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