Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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