Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
