he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
jump out the window naked night went bad
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
