It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
