i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
