You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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