I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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