Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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