she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
