i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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