i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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