just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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