We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
