She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
babies were throwing up all over the place
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
