My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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