She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
