yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
