I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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