She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
