I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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