Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
