1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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