i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
worst night to have a conscience
two words: eviction party
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
