this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
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The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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