I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
