1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
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