now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
