and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
