Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
