today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize