More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
