he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
