Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
