Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
