WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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