I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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