remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
