Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
