Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
