I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
