shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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