When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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