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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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