I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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