She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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