i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am spending my child support on dildos
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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