We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
