Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
