the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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