Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
