I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
