Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
