Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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