The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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