If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
