I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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