k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
