How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Holy shit dude........stairs
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
