drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
