just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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