Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
