You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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