Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
