he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just found puke in my bra..
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
