I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
