I must be too annoying 4 u.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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