I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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