Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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